How I Became An Army
- C Y
- Jun 13, 2023
- 8 min read
10 years ago on this date, BTS debuted. No one would have thought that these 7 very different people could come together and change so many lives, but they did. Throughout all the struggles, mistreatment from the industry and hate from non-fans who threw hateful comments and jokes because it was the 'norm', they rose above it all and got through it together with ARMYs by their side.
It still surprises me that people hate on their looks because its not 'idol standard' but I honestly feel they each have their own unique face and their genuine personalities that shine brightly makes them even more attractive, don't you agree?
However, it's more than just their appearance that keep fans locked in all these years but their meaningful, profound and non-conformist lyrics and music that touched the hearts of fans - especially for those who are struggling or have always felt like an outcast. It allows them to be vulnerable and relatable.
I guess big players will always be afraid of the underdogs who are different and that's what I love about them.
In celebration of their 10th Anniversary, I thought I should share how they impacted my life and made me an ARMY.
Kpop in general isn't a genre I was really into, I knew certain songs from 2nd Gen groups here and there but the genre I grew up with and always listened to was WAYYY different. So getting into BTS was really surprising to others and myself.
I've tried to convince my closed ones to get into them but i've realized since that BTS is not something you can convince a non-fan to get into, you can't show them videos and have them automatically fall in love, BTS has to be found on your own.
How It Started
I remembered when Mic Drop first came out, I listened to it over and over again. However, that didn't spark my interest. I've always loved dance so to me it was just a dance song. I didn't bother researching much about BTS then.
Unfortunately, years later, I received news that turned my whole world upside down. My world was a dream that I had and it all came crumbling down in just one day. For years my life centered around that dream. A lot of work and love was put into it so when it disappeared, I felt like I had nothing else to live for. Nothing else to give. I lost all direction and I lost myself.
I was stuck in a really dark place in my mind - watching everyone else's life go on while there I was, trapped in the abyss. My loved ones tried their best to help me get out of it but no matter how hard they tried, I just couldn't find a way to swim to the surface. When I was out with friends or at shows, I was completely disassociated from everything and although I was able to separate my struggles from my professional life, as soon as I was home and alone, everything became dark again. I stopped eating properly, I didn't sleep well, I was always thinking negatively, I would self-h*rm and cry at random timings.
The darkness consumed me as soon as I was alone but because I wanted to be better and not hurt those around me, I tried to find different means to get back to who I was. Music was the one thing that always helped me no matter what was happening, so one night when I couldn't sleep, I opened Spotify and put my music on shuffle.
Falling Into BTS
It was the wee hours of the morning, I was having another sleepless night so I opened Spotify. I forgot which random playlist I clicked but the first song that started playing was 00:00 (Zero O'Clock).
I didn't understand the Korean lyrics, but the few English lines and the overall instrumentals and emotions in the song hit me. I found myself bawling my eyes out and putting that song on repeat. The line "and you gonna be happy"not only helped me but convinced me to search 'BTS' on Youtube because I wanted to see who they were.. who were the people behind a song that made me so emotional.
The first video I clicked on was this (because they didn't have a music video for 00:00). Thankfully the video had English subs and I saw the lyrics in full and it hit even harder. I felt comforted and had stopped crying at that point so I decided to click on another video, Butter. The funk, disco beats got my attention and I was distracted from my thoughts. Even now, I remember clearly who the first person I noticed was, my eyes could not stray away from him - it was j-hope! The smile, the dancing, the overall vibes that he gave off made me interested in getting to know BTS even more, so I watched a couple more videos.
At that point I was hooked, I watched more and more and I fell into a BTS rabbit hole. Fan edits and videos of their funniest moments popped up and I could not stop watching their content. Just like that, every time I felt the darkness approaching, I would look up BTS on Youtube. As I was getting in deep, Permission To Dance came out, and remember how I said I loved dance? Well it had been years since I danced. I stopped dance classes when I was 10/11 years old because I felt conscious of my body (puberty) and once my mum passed on I never danced again. However, this song encouraged me to just forget what everyone says, forget about everything and just dance. So each time I felt like I was going to harm myself or about to go back to dark thoughts, I would play their songs and channel all the negative thoughts into dance as well.
The darkness got brighter each time BTS was on, but I knew it won't last long and I had to one day face my problems head on. That was when I decided to take that month break in Seoul, surrounding myself with BTS while also facing my issues alone. I wanted to discover who I was without my dream, I wanted to find things to love about myself and I felt like that was the best way to do it.
How The Trip Changed Me
I had always done things for others, took care of others, and did what others wanted me to do. I never got the chance to really be alone and live for me. So apart from losing direction after having my dream taken away, it also meant that I would be left alone to deal with things and I was afraid I wouldn't be able to survive so I decided to take a leap of faith and be by myself.
The trip was about half a year in planning and saving, and a few weeks after booking my stay and confirming my itinerary, BTS announced their Busan concert so I was even more excited. Things were falling into place, so I took it as a huge sign that this trip was going to help me find my way back and discover things about myself I never knew. I had to overcome social anxiety by being in a place that didn't speak my language. I had to figure things out on my own when a shop was closed and I had to change itinerary on the spot. I had to learn to breathe and stay calm when I missed my KTX train. I had to overcome the nervousness of eating alone. I had to function living on my own. I had to battle thoughts of giving up during my hike up Achasan. I had to fight giving in to dark thoughts when I decided to face my problems at the Han River.
Apart from that the struggles, I was also able to do all the things I love without thinking about anyone else. I could go to all the BTS locations I wanted, I could buy merch that made me happy, I could wake up anytime I wanted and change my plans as and when without feeling guilty. I discovered so many things about myself, I found strength I never thought I had and did all sorts of things that I am proud of today. I know now that even if I was alone, I was going to be ok.
Although I'm still struggling to love myself, I'm glad I went on that trip and I'm thankful that I'm still here with my loved ones.
What BTS Is To Me
They're part of the reason why I'm still here today, they mean so much to me and I now understand why ARMYs can be defensive when people hate on them. They are the reason why so many people are still here.
They were the outcast for the outcast, the voice for the broken and the cause of happiness - just by being their authentic, wholesome, and vulnerable selves. BTS is not BTS without ARMY and vice versa. The parasocial bond and love between ARMY and BTS can't be described in words and can't ever be understood by others and that's ok! Only we know how much of an inspiration they are.
I truly feel we learn from them as much as they learned from us. RM - Lead with love and understanding, it's okay to not know everything, admit your mistakes, learn from the past and be better, chase your dreams no matter who or what stands in your way, speak your truth
Jin - Live life in the moment, don't focus on your past, don't compare other peoples' success to yours, living life is doing what you want that makes you happy, it's okay to be playful no matter your age
SUGA - Love others through actions, people may misunderstand you but know yourself, you don't have to prove yourself to others, its ok to forgive others even if they don't deserve it
j-hope - Be a positive inspiration, focus on things in life that bring you joy and happiness, be caring to others, no matter how positive someone can be there also go through tough times and it's ok to be open about it, know your worth
Jimin - Learn to understand others who are different from you, instead of reacting against others get to know why they react the way they do, keep working hard to be the best for yourself and your loved ones, be caring and kind to others even if they don't do the same
V - Be unapologetically yourself even if it's not the norm, don't pay attention to what others say about you, live your life for you, it's ok to cry and be vulnerable
JungKook - Respect others, stay humble, appreciate the people who has been there for you, work hard at your dreams, be diligent in all that you choose to do, don't be afraid to take the leap
There's so much more that they've taught us and i'm just so glad I became ARMY and got to know them. Although sometimes I wish I was there since their debut, I'm glad they've put out so many different videos that allows fans to connect with them from the start and watch them grow. It feels like we've grown together and I'm proud of BTS who have broken so many barriers yet still remain humble. Afobangfo!
Thanks for reading this far! I hope you're having a fruitful #AFBF10 and celebrating their 10th Anniversary well! Wish I was in Seoul right now to see all the Army displays that they've put up.
Also, incase you were wondering, my bias is RM but he has been consistently wrecked by Jimin. It's really hard to choose. I also have a soft spot for j-hope because he was the reason I got into BTS, but overall I love all 7.
Till then.
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